An English Affair

Once upon a time, an Englishman was working on the road, living a kind of nomadic existence while training actors, directors, and producers for Warner Brothers. My time in Hollywood—though brief by many standards—was a pivotal point in my life. It had long been a dream of mine to work in film and to spend more time in the USA. My time at Warner Brothers allowed both of those things to happen and so much more.

I couldn’t tell you precisely why I felt the burning desire to move to America, but I can tell you that it started from a very young age. Most of my childhood influences were American—film, music, literature. It all painted a landscape that appealed to me far more than the one I had been born into. Don’t get me wrong: I love my home. I had a great childhood, and the Isle of Wight gave me so much that I carry with me to this day. But I needed bigger. I needed an extra lane to dream in. I needed a Grand Canyon to pour my soul into, mountains to climb, and deserts to lose myself in. Culturally, I needed to be surrounded by exceptionalism. In England we tend to be a little cynical and reserved, almost as if we’re meant to stay in our lane. In America, I believed the gloves were off and anything was possible. It may have been naïve, but naïve was exactly what I needed. That innocent mindset allowed me to believe that if I worked hard enough, treated people well, made the right connections, and presented myself properly, then I could transcend the ordinary and reach an open road.

It took a long time. At 36 it still seemed unlikely. But remember: a new opportunity is only ever a phone call away. You just have to put yourself in a position where you’re ready to take that call and act on it when it comes. When it finally came, it would change the course of my life forever. From that point I would never look back. I would never go back. I would just build, protect, and strive to be the best version of myself in the place I wanted to be.

I Came For The Work But I Stayed For Love

Something unplanned and unexpected happened early in my American experience. While working in a gym in Los Feliz, I met a third-generation Dutch-American girl named Emylee. Emylee was a strong, independent woman working all over LA, primarily teaching mobility classes in CrossFit gyms. She was the kind of girl who bounded everywhere, full of energy—a cash-in-hand firecracker who didn’t take any shit from anybody. Loud, confident, and unapologetic. She was all drive, all go, with a relentlessness of spirit that I was immediately attracted to. Positivity is contagious. It radiates and spreads like wildfire if you let it… and I let it.

Our relationship started quickly. It was a single date that turned into a whirlwind romance. Our second date was a 12-hour plane ride from Heathrow to LA, and we barely left each other’s side from that point on.

Love is a mystery and I don’t know any secrets, but I will say this: marriage only makes sense when you can see a future together—a future that you both want. Attraction can be fleeting. The real connection is in the life you could build. We wanted the same things, shared the same moral grounding, and though Emylee was younger than me, we had both lived enough chapters to know that the next one—come what may—was meant to be together.

PHAROS was built on that relationship. Our minds, our love of people, community, and service. We are both drawn to creation and we both just want to make other people feel good. It takes a lot of energy and a lot of why to keep radiating that kind of positivity, and we needed each other to keep going. The skills, knowledge, and experience in fitness were never a problem. The guts to do it were never a problem. But the ability to do it over and over again, day after day, against the tide of unbelievable challenge… that takes a lot of fuel. And I think love is the only fuel strong enough to go the distance. In the hardest moments, when it seems impossible, when it feels like all is lost and there is no way through, we always had each other’s backs. As long as you know that no matter what happens your love will endure, then you can be unstoppable.

This year was our 10-year anniversary. For the longest time we had said we would get married again in England so that my parents and family could share in our joy. So in the 900-year-old church in my hometown—where I went as a kid—we gathered on July 10th to renew our vows. Our boys, Levi and Wyatt, got to see Mummy and Daddy commit to each other and meet many of the great people that Daddy grew up with. They got to experience a day of absolute joy and love that is real, honest, and untouchable by anything else going on in the world. I want them to know that this is real. This is human. And at a time when the future seems so uncertain, I want to keep reminding them of what matters and what makes this life special.

The last 10 years have been a wild ride. I’m 48 and I feel like I’m only just becoming who I’m meant to be. In all my ridiculousness—an Englishman living in America with an American family, who owns gyms but dreams of owning a ranch one day, dresses like an extra from Yellowstone but speaks with a “quite right, toodle-pip” accent. It’s a weird mix. An unlikely story. A long journey… an American Dream.

I’ll finish as my vows to Emylee started. It takes a strong woman to love this kind of fool… but she is the strongest I have ever met:

“A screen door slams, Mary’s dress sways. Like a vision she dances across the porch as the radio plays.”

I listened to those words a thousand times and dreamed of a life long before I knew you. Then you walked in and gave me that life. Our relationship was built on chance. We were foolish enough to believe in fairytales and somehow… this time… the hearts of the foolish won.

Keep believin’.

See you in the gym.